More EI …please!

Someone, whilst I was away from the UK, offered by e-mail a link to his post on EI and it is, as he said, very thorough (see below).   It might take time for you to read and listen to the embedded videos, but it will be worth it – especially if the concept of EI is new to you.

And it is to many people.    Too many people…

M & F think and speak Stuart Miles

I have one person in my life who really, always irritates me.   I know why but I know they don’t have a clue why.   One quote explains this, and I have learned for myself about this over several years of being a counsellor and life coach.

“The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance – it’s the illusion of knowledge”

And this person has the illusion of knowledge and does not listen to others, nor accepts their viewpoint or beliefs although they say they do!

So I said I know my trigger – and that is because I am not seen nor heard, I am not acknowledged as being allowed my own beliefs (albeit that I have learned more and therefore have a sound basis for those beliefs, and experienced them for myself and indeed, practice on those beliefs – my knowledge!).   I am not allowed to differ in my opinion, founded or not, and they will not be open minded enough to listen.

Now people judge – it’s inherent in us to judge for survival so that’s good.  But as intelligent beings (IQ – knowledge and ability to learn) we are also emotional beings (as some other animals, but interestingly enough, not amphibians!).    Judgements have to be immediate to ‘save’ us from potential dangers – whether that be physical (like attacks) or emotional threats or psychological (being ignored and therefore potentially isolated, lost and alone and so vulnerable …to attack).

This arises as we are still cavemen and women today, physiologically (body and mind, emotion and cognitive thinking) and our minds are still working on the survival principles of those times even in our ‘sophisticated social’ environment today.


But personal development involves growth, and to grow we need to learn.   TO learn we need to be open to new experiences, new information and new ideas.    This person isn’t.   They ‘know’ it all.  Yes, they do.  They ‘know’ THEIR OWN perspectives, beliefs, awareness, knowledge and experiences.   But not mine.   Not yours.  Not other’s.

And emotional intelligence is just about being aware of the impact of your behaviour on other people.   In this case, the impact on me is frustration and leads to anger on the continuum of one of the four main primary emotions.   For that person, it is the same.   They are not heard nor accepted and feel angry, and I know the reason potentially for this, but the development of emotional intelligence is that we could both accept each other’s views – but I try to help them see the others options, but I can’t.   I now give up.   Others gave up long ago.   But I am worth being seen, heard and accepted!  I cannot let go of that or my self-worth suffers, and it took a long time to develop it, so I have to let the situation and opportunity go.

In management this is why EI is SO important and is recognised as such.  Because your subordinates, your employees, staff or team, your manager and your directors, customers, suppliers and stakeholders all – each – have their own perceptions, beliefs, value system, understanding, self-awareness, triggers, filters and all the complexities of being ‘a person’ …and each of us needs to be acknowledged – seen, heard, accepted even if not understood or agreed with!

In business – small or large, we need to have EI with our customers and our employees or it just wouldn’t work.   We have to flow together.    Or we flounder and the business (profits, sales, image) suffers.   We suffer.

In life too, and our everyday family, friends and colleague relationships will flounder too unless we can learn to engage correctly (effectively) with the others in our world;  we need to see them as well as expect them to see/hear/accept us and our ‘personality’, our quirks and problems, but overall accept us as we are – with the capacity to grow and develop with self-awareness, empathy for others and understanding of our social etiquette and communication especially!


Additional information:

From Martin at Cleverism…