I bargained with Life for a penny, And Life would pay no more, However I begged at evening When I counted my scanty store. For Life is a just employer, He gives you what you ask, But once you have set the wages, Why, you must bear the task. I worked for a menial's hire, Only to learn, dismayed, any wage I had asked of Life, Life would have willingly paid.” Napolean Hill, Think & Grow Rich – rhyme 2
Yet another client came back recently ‘to update me’ on progress as I checked in with him not having heard for a while, and seeing how things were going. More positive than I thought perhaps, which was fantastic! And the fact he wanted to share that with me was nice to know too! After a long, hard struggle to save his marriage, it didn’t happen. It wasn’t working and although, as he said, he needed to try everything – as they both said – it wasn’t to be.
Couples counselling isn’t always about saving a marriage – but always about saving two people or more (like children)!
He had settled for a life he thought would be good, he believed he wasn’t worth it when we explored, so far back and yet the impact on today. But this day, he came having worked through the grief and pain of losing that marriage, to celebrate finding himself again and although missing who he used to be in his youth, and is easy lifestyle, able and willing to re-create something similar to match his needs and his character, with the knowledge and understating gained through counselling from several previous relationships. This all helped him grow, learn, reflect and plan.
And now he is happier than he has been for years, looking great – healthy, fit and taking care of himself – and able to put a year aside (a plateau!) to reflect, embed the knowledge and understanding, look out on the panorama and see where he wants to go ..and who that will be with! For now, he is relaxed in himself, happy with life, developing a busy and varied social life – and again, best of all, he is happy with himself!
He settled – he reflected – he found what works and what doesn’t – he asked – he’s currently relaxing and embedding – and when he’s ready, he will move on again, up the mountain of life and living!
You see why I love my job – both counselling and coaching, and how they really can complement each other too at times, both in practice but in me and how I work with client and live my life too.
Remember – our emotions affect our thoughts, our thoughts inform our behaviour and our behaviours invite judgements and expectations from others. Others reflect back to us what they see – and if we don’t like we can change it. Not for them. No. For you, for yourself – your choice to be who you want to be, who you can be! Their reflection back to us is simply a tool to use to ‘find what works’, to find what we do and don’t want – to be, to have, to be seen as – and you have the chance and the choice to make that happen …
Enjoy the process, enjoy the journey, enjoy the outcomes too!