Mum’s are special. Aren’t they?
I lost my mum when I was almost 50 but it wasn’t any easier because I was older.
I and wrote a poem for her here, inspired by her bravery in life and living:
The hardest job is being a single mum (or dad) perhaps, with no-one to share the burden, the decisions, the ups and downs of children. It’s hard to know what’s right and you want and need other perspectives – but from people you trust to have the same vested interest you have in your offspring! Love, care, best interests, hope for them.
Mothers Day is an opportunity – not a need or burden – to thank your mum, to remember what she’s done – and also stop a while, step back and try to see her as a woman, an individual – a person, separate to you (children or partner, sibling etc).
Women do have different skills, needs for themselves, their own experiences and perspectives of those experiences and their objectives and the drives to act and behave as they do.
If it gets overwhelming sometimes when the demands,expectations and natural drives conflict with our hopes and wishes, desires and drive to be human, a person, separate from duties and responsibilities. This is perhaps why women are more prone to depression – no way out of the conflicting drives of being a person (self actualising) and responsibility – love for the children and family, which is an equally strong drive for women!
So stop, think, try to empathise and put yourself in her shoes – ask her what she needs and what she wants, and listen to her! Give her those things and not just a token box of chocolates or bunch of flowers. Whatever you give her, fill it with love, appreciation, awe and acknowledgement of the sacrifices she has and will make for her loved ones – and that includes you!
(Just sometimes, the drive to be herself and fulfill her own needs overrides the family and children’s needs to have her keep them safe and in check! Try to understand, accept and forgive her if she rails against the role at times, or even if she leaves. It’s not ideal but sometimes that drive ‘to be’ is overwhelming too!