The nature/nurture debate and growing your confidence – what does that mean?
The previous post was all about the influence of others and experience – the nurture side, and here we will discuss that natural side of confidence – who you are and what aspects you were born with.
Yes, confidence can also be influenced by your personality. But this is just about learning how to better manage those gaps or issues that might arise from this. You are OK as you are – always, said the BACP.
Yet there may be tools and techniques you can utilise to enhance your opportunities and options in the confidence department.
NLP, the science of mind and behaviour, suggests we have ‘natural preferences’ and the tendencies we have to do or not do, be or not be such as how you communicate, learn and time management are just some examples.
As always, the more you know about you the greater your personal power to overcome problems, remove barriers, create new options and build on who you actually are – strengths, develop areas you need and more.
Available now! Udemy online training course: GROW you Confidence from Clear Mind This could be an introduction to building your confidence and self-=-esteem, prior to face to face support and development coaching or workshops – or perhaps it will be all you need! Just £20 (or less!) from Udemy there is a variety of insights, tips and techniques you can try out yourself, working through at your own pace. With a mix of written information, videos, assignments, quiz questions to help you improve your confidence for life – speak up in meetings, feel more comfortable networking, assert your needs and even public speaking and presentations!
Communication Styles include auditory (sound preference – sounds like, I can hear you), visual (pictures – it looks like, I can picture that!) or kinaesthetic (touch – I can feel your pain, it’s not hitting the mark for me). If you don’t ‘speak the other person’s language’ it can be firstly, hard to communicate well with each other, and secondly, the stronger person can be quite critical of you not ‘getting’ them and their message (the boss, the speaker, your parent) and this knocks your self-esteem and confidence when you start to doubt yourself. “Is it always me?” “why do I never …”
Sound familiar? (yet I am visual-kinaesthetic normally!)
Learning styles are active learning (trying things out), pragmatist (experience of the theory), theorist (who likes just the idea or concept and works with that) or relationists (who like people to be happy and comfortable!). Again, if you don’t act like them, appreciate how they do things and ‘you should’ then criticisms or ‘disbelief’ follows – and self doubt again!
Timing/time management – some people are on time, others not because its the activity that excites and consumes them, not being on time. People get angry when they are there and you’re not or vice versa! Critical looks, irritated comments, tone and pitch all belie those frustrations and kick in the self-belief and confidence in who you are – that you are actually ‘OK as you are – always’!
Other thing also influence your perception of being right or wrong, and other’s opinions of you and your behaviours too – from their perspective, not yours! Introverts think more in the head, process information and build ideas there whilst extroverts like to bounce ideas of others, need people around all the time and like to be the centre of attention at times. Your personality traits – organised or creatively chaotic, sensible and stable or excitable, fun loving or doing things to avoid the pain points in life.
Are you innovative or prefer to follow a well-worn path? Maybe it’s leadership versus following, and that comes with knowledge and power in any given situation – the one with most knowledge or experience becomes the leader as most appropriate, even without the formal title!
So there is a lot to affect you, and quite a few options to manage and changes you can make – developing new skills, more understanding, trying new techniques and pushing your boundaries of comfort and familiarity!
Post category: including Confidence & Assertiveness