Confidence is an essential tool for living a life you love, for getting your personal and essential needs met and sharing your own expertise and views alike.
There is nothing more disconcerting than having to speak up when you want to hide in a hole! It further knocks your confidence/self-esteem and it holds you back from being who you really are – who you want to be – who you CAN be! It is fragile and gets easily knocked often but mainly in your formative years as a child or teen – at home, at school, in the playground or at work as you get older too!
Confidence allows you to develop your resilience against life’s knocks and experiences that can grind you down rather than build you up. Self-belief arises from success so there are simple, easy exercises you can try that will ensure success, not guarantee failure. Take it step by manageable step from where you are to where you want to be. You can do it!
Who was it who knocked your self-beliefs, who wanted -needed – you to meet their needs rather than yours and criticised you for who you were/how you behaved?Fu
Parents – I’ve done it unwittingly, be accident in the fight mode of fight or flight defence and stress response. Angry that your child didn’t look crossing the road on their bike when you told them to be careful, or when they wandered off and you were worried sick, or you felt they were more loved and appreciated than you (it happens) and more.
Education – “why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t do that or didn’t understand it?” is an age old phrase than rings in many ears and restricts you from ever trying again! Now I’m older, and I hear that in my head my retort is: “Because I thought I DID know! From your teaching, not my learning!” but it does impact in adulthood, sometimes for life. On my PTLLS training – the basic level adult teacher training – demonstrated that 70% of the class were affected by this and mainly in maths! Their belief that they ‘couldn’t go maths’ (or English, science and more!) yet we proved together that they can and I can do more too!
Friends – or ‘so called’ friends who demand of you, put you down when you don’t meet on their terms, when you can’t always ‘get it right’ for them or don’t drop your life when they need attention. Friends in the playground when you don’t know much, at college when you’re learning to assert your own Self and find out who you are – creating a Self you want to be, or in adult courses when others laugh, grateful it wasn’t them who was ‘held up for special treatment’.
At home – siblings, a family culture of ‘whose boss’ and whose the underling, where you sit in the family line up or the impact your parents problems had on you (mental health, physical illness, money and status etc) – or your neighbourhood where you grew up and what people did expect or had few expectations of happiness and achievement maybe!
Available now! Udemy online training course: GROW you Confidence from Clear Mind This could be an introduction to building your confidence and self-=-esteem, prior to face to face support and development coaching or workshops – or perhaps it will be all you need! Just £20 (or less!) from Udemy there is a variety of insights, tips and techniques you can try out yourself, working through at your own pace. With a mix of written information, videos, assignments, quiz questions to help you improve your confidence for life – speak up in meetings, feel more comfortable networking, assert your needs and even public speaking and presentations!
And then there is the nature debate side that also influences you – see next post in a couple of days!
Post category: Confidence & Assertiveness