Relations with Family

Family time over Christmas was

(a) Great

(b) Good

(c ) OK

(d) Survivable

(e) Awful

(f) Disasterous

How is it now, in January?

  • Everyone has gone back home and we won’t meet again until next Christmas! Phew!
  • Everyone is back in their homes but we are no longer speaking to each other
  • Everyone is back to normal and we just carry on as we usually do
  • It’s the same as ever – we don’t like or and don’t get on


Whatever the phrase, the response, the feelings – things have moved on!

You have realised something and now therefore you can change things for the better

Not speaking – write a letter and make it short and hopeful

Not meeting again – plan next year’s events to be more helpful and happy!  Starting now

Seeing the same people – do something different with them for fun!

Still not speaking – maybe it’s to call it out and cut the ties or the expectations of happy families at least, and accept it for what it is and may always be.  Change your own mind, your own behaviours, needs or expectations to meet reality.


The reality?

You can only change your own Self, not anyone else in any way.

You can influence them to want to change – but if forced it’s short lived and not true, so won’t last

If it’s not happening, no point keep fighting which is exhausting and pointless

Changing yourself is the goal – bullseye on the dartboard

The bullseye is what you can change – you, your behaviours, choices, needs, expectations etc

and the next circle out the influence you  have on others (I wish you could, it would be better if, what I need from you is …) – but they have to want to change too, for themselves, not just to meet your current needs.

The next circles outward you can see but not influence or change, and you have to change your expectations of those relationships to feel happy and satisfied.

Don’t hold to hopes parents will change from the unhappy childhood parents they were – maybe they can’t, or choose not to

Don’t expect your siblings to be nice if they never have been to you and yours; don’t ask for something expecting people to do your bidding – they won’t, at least ongoing!

You are only heading for disappointment and pain if you do.  You have control ober your life and your mind/feelings/behaviours – these influence the choices you make, the decisions and they expectations and beliefs you have in your life.   You have to maintain your values.

If any of this needs learning, why not start now, in January?  365 days of learning (even if it is the first week over, you learned and reinforced the last week or so since Christmas probably!)

Small steps forward each day …

Huge rewards in the end …

Achievements that need to be acknowledged and identified, then …

Celebrations when you have made progress – each change, each time …

Happiness … and the fulfilment of your needs and maybe even your dreams!